Let me start by saying... This year has been the most scariest, numbing (both psychical and mentally), emotional experience that I would never have thought my Mum would have to face. I have been absent from my blog for way too long and for way too many reasons. One big scary, life changing, important reason being: my Mother is ill.
My Mum has been my priority and what is going on has being occupying my mind since two days before Christmas when Mum went in for a lumpectomy, unbeknown to us this was the beginning of a very long journey, which may I add my family, most importantly my amazing Mum are giving it our all.
We never could have imagined what the next few months were to be like, we were unaware Mum was so seriously ill, we were unaware in the last few months Mum would have to go through three general anaesthetics, which if you all know the risks to these you would understand our concerns but this was the least of our concerns in amongst this whirlwind.
Three general anaesthetics within three weeks, a lumpectomy, auxiliary clearance and a one breast mastectomy, while feeling so many emotions that I never knew I had or existed and we have the diagnosis. I kept thinking to myself if I am feeling all of these things, just imagine how my Mum was feeling.
They say only these things happen to the best people. I believe that and I 150% disagree with it... But as we have learnt, this is life and we cannot change it.
Mum started chemotherapy about six weeks ago now, after having the port put in, which was a very uncomfortable pain for Mum, next was week one of chemotherapy; Mum was suffering from the shivers and a high temperature as some side effects, not to mention being extremely tired and still sore from the port being inserted. You have to realise my Mum NEVER complains and throughout this whole journey she has perhaps complained three times MAYBE. So for anything to be mentioned in regards to pain Mum must have been in an awful lot.
The feelings I have as my Mum is going through these horrible things are indescribable... I want to steal my Mum away and make her better and give her anything and everything that she has ever wanted, I want everyone to know how amazing my Mum is as a Mum, a person, a Nan and a friend to many. Not just here things but so many more. I wanted to yell and scream, cry, vomit. I wanted people who were always doing the wrong to have to suffer, not MY MUM. Intact I steal ideally want all of this, but in the real world that doesn't happen. We still have to work, pay bills, get our cars serviced, deal with arseholes and deal with life. None of that other stuff goes away, it is still there, just harder to deal with.
I transferred to work in Hobart two days a week, so I could hang out with my Mum, I changed it and now I am dropping a day a fortnight. My headspace is full.
I am lucky in that my Mum is such a positive person even in the worst of times, we have been living with what is going on. I will never say accept, because I will not accept what is going on. But we will live with it. I am the person I am because of my Mum, I am so proud and feel on top of the world to be given the chance of being my Mothers Daughter. I have gained strength from my Mum through my whole life and now is my time to let my gorgeous little Mum gain strength from me.
Let me finish up by saying, you never know what tomorrow is going to hold, live for now and love for the now.
I love you Mum, but you already know that because I tell you always :)