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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

my new boobs. the good boobs - brca1

I think of my breasts as 'naughty', I feel like they can turn bad at any time, whenever it suits them.. they can pull all the strings and navigate where my life goes and how my life unfolds. I do definitely not let them pull all the strings, hence my preventive mastectomy. But that's how it feels to me to have the brca1 gene, that's the only way really that I can explain it to someone who hasn't felt what it feels like to be told "you are positive to brca1".

Personally I think they need to use another word because from then on the word positive doesn't feel that positive to me, it has a whole new meaning. I know in there term that it was used it makes sense but.. it just doesn't seem fitting. And one piece of feedback to give would be that and also 'what to do next' once you are told you are a carrier.

Cam and I have had a lot to think about aside from the mastectomy, which procedure to have (instant implants or gradual build up to implants) but MY main priority is conceiving children. Something I have been ready for, for a long while now and something we are both now ready to experience. Luckily we have the same feelings about how we want to conceive, with me having brca1 and all.. I do not want to pass it on to my child, I want this gene to stop at ME, so to do that we will conceive a baby through IVF. We have had our first appointment, which was exciting, it was a while ago now but our next appointment is in November in the midst of all the challenges that we will be facing we will be able to look forward to getting the ball rolling with starting that process and I could not be more excited, I am assuming Cam is too - he isn't a big talker, not like me.. who tells everything I am feeling. This is my number one drive, deal with the yucky and move on to enjoy and experience to lovely things in life. Bring on 2015, I cannot wait to experience pregnancy with my lover and Mama by my side.

So many people have had their opinions about us conceiving through IVF, why would we when we can conceive naturally etc etc, why are we so worried about this gene? It doesn't do anything to you until one day it does.. ? There is the answer I do not want to wait for the one day, the what if or the maybe, that's why I am acting on the now. If I can prevent our child from having to deal with these tough decisions like I am, then why wouldn't I? And when people have their opinions, which I know they are entitled to have.. I remind myself of this.



eight weeks and two days.

In eight weeks and two days I am having a preventative mastectomy.
That wasn't hard to write but it was scary receiving the phone call today with the date, the appointments I need to have beforehand and the fact that it is happening. I am 100% positive that I want to take this course of action, don't get me wrong, I am not at all doubting my decision because this is what I want to do for the best interest of myself, my future and just everything, there are no reasons to me as to why I would't do it.. But... it is still scary nonetheless.

People ask me if I am scared, nervous, excited etc.. For real? All of the above, all of the feelings that you can feel, I feel. I have been open about my whole experience so far and I feel that I will continue to be. I love to talk and to me that is how I work through feeling all of those things. I feel like I have support, maybe not enough encouragement but you can't have it all right?

I feel like it's not a big deal, but it is.. Does that make sense? I don't want it to be but well really it is a massive life changing thing that I am CHOOSING to do. I am worried about the outcome - will my breasts look "normal"? (what is normal anyway), will my nipples dies?, what will happen if my boyfriend runs away because it all gets too much?. I think these are thoughts that most people going through this might have, I don't really know actually, I am just guessing.

Lead up appointments to the big day start with my annual MRI and ultrasound, that being next Wednesday along with another chat with my plastic surgeon. I had a few questions spring to mind in the last few weeks that I would like to discuss with him. I have asked my sister to come along as she is really good at staying focused, where at times I get overwhelmed and turn my ears, eyes and mind OFF.

On the 29th August I go to my final appointment with my breast surgeon before the big appointment, this will be to sign off the paperwork, have a few more things explained to me and to learn about what a 'sentinel node biopsy' consists of. On the 11th September I will go in to have the biopsy done, they advised that I take a week off for this, as to why I am unsure but will soon find out. Then in the meantime I have to make sure to go to my Doctor and get a new referral to my breast surgeon because it runs out just before my surgery. Then 25th September will be here before I know it and the big journey will begin..

Initially I am having 6 weeks off work, after that I will see how I go. I really don't appreciate being asked how long, what time frame etc, because guess what I do not know, I have never had this done before! It depends on a lot of things but mainly myself.. I don't know how I am going to feel, so that cannot be answered and why should it matter anyway? I will take as long as I want and as long as I need.

I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind, it really gets so tiring. Not just thoughts about this, I do have a lot going on and I allowed to feel how I am feeling at the moment, when I feel like this I try my hardest to remind myself of the above, its my mantra at the moment.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Grateful

grateful: feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.

Here are some things that I am grateful for right at this moment:

Myself: I am grateful for myself putting in all my efforts to exercise regularly.

Medical Science: I am grateful for intelligent human beings.

Everyday: I am grateful for my everyday life.






Saturday, February 1, 2014

Mums Surprise 60th


Sharing with you a photo for my Mums surprise 60th last weekend. It was a gorgeous day in every way, perfect weather and everything ran smoothly. It was a joyous occasion and I can guarantee you my Mum was over the moon. I adored seeing her reaction when she opened a door in the hall and realised there were all these people crammed down there! They all lined up and came out, each one greeting Mum with a great big hug and happy birthday wishes. I know that you had the best day Mum and the next two days after, I love you and it is an honour being your baby girl.

Happy sixty years to you and how privileged is this earth to have been blessed with someone so beautiful xoxo

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Good news for me


I had my ultrasound and internal to check on my ovaries earlier this week and I am over the moon pleased to tell the entire world that everything is all good. As you may know I have the brca1 gene, so I will have these tests annually until after I have my children which I will then get them removed. 

It is such a relief and I am looking forward to this weekend much more relaxed. To celebrate I am having a BBQ with friends (just pencilled in, so hopefully goes ahead), and reminding myself of how lucky I am to have received good news and that the technology is available so Incan take preventative precautions until I get them removed. 

Also this weekend my niece is moving out which I am really looking forward to having my craft room back and tidying and clean how it usually is. I am also looking forward to having the house back to normal, just Cam and myself minus the 18 year old haha. My niece has been living with us since October 7th so we have definitley done our hand at helping out. 

I have been off work for four days as I have broken out with a massive cold sore on my lip, it is really a monster. It has settled down but not as much as I had hoped, keep working antibiotics!

I have a new found love while being off work, trying to make some extra pocket money by selling goodies on gumtree. Here is me getting ready to photograph some dresses, heheh, which sold by the way! I made $310 in two days... Can't complain :) I paid back Cam some money I owed him and I think I will invest in some new runners, as pictured below :)




 

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Today


Today Cam and I purchased some new furniture to add to our collection, it matches our living room furniture. I am glad we purchased when we did as these are now going out of stock! Luckily they still had what we were after, good timing, phew!

I am looking forward to receiving them but they usually take a while. Our bedroom is very bare just a bed and one bedside table. Our bed is super high so we are on the lookout for two matching bedside tables at a reasonable height, all that we have come across are too short. 

We also booked our flights over to Townsville in April, we will be going to spend a week with my lifelong friend, Emily. We are very excited! On the way back we will stop in at Melbourne for four nights to spend it away together for cams birthday! am looking forward to it :)

Now I am relaxing on the couch, with the ducted heating on as Launceston is super cold and windy today! Back to work tomorrow, I am not looking forward to it at all but we all have to work haha xxx

 

                 Dresser for hallway entrance


                    Dresser for bedroom